An Irish yoga adventure

 

Last month, I returned home from the Yoga Centre Winnipeg’s annual yoga trip. It’s my third with YCW and another adventure to a country with “land” in the name:  Iceland, Newfoundland, and now, Ireland. It turns out, that isn’t only a pattern in destination names, it’s also a theme that weaves these seemingly distant places and experiences together.

 

On each of these trips, reverence for the land and going off the beaten path have been a consistent undercurrent. It’s part of what I love most about these trips: a connection to the land we find ourselves on rather than just the sights and sounds upon them. And while the agendas are usually packed (there’s so much to see!), Shauna and Jan beautifully guide us in moments of pause, twice a day, so that we can breathe, move, and ground into the land we’re visiting. 

 

That gratefulness worked its way into the Irish morning and evening yoga practices and subsequently grew within me as a participant. I found myself wondering about how I could engage in this practice wherever I find myself. An enduring reminder that yoga extends far past the mat. 

 

Awe-struck

 

The feeling of the land in Ireland left me in a particular state of awe. I knew it would be stunning, but I didn’t expect its beauty to burst in from all corners. The multitude of greenery, the massive roses growing on vines around city doors, the ivy creeping up building after building, the blue bays strewn with trees and rocky posts. 

 

Had I travelled to Ireland on my own, I would have missed many of these small natural treasures. Like ferrying to Garnish Island to explore its incredible gardens featuring plants with leaves bigger than my hand. Or wandering through the stunning Bantry house and its wisteria-laden grounds. I feel grateful that I got to spend time breathing them all in.

It’s also the beauty within the group that makes these trips special. Everyone embraced everything we did from visiting the Kerry Woolen mills and the Clonakilty Black Pudding Museum to trekking down into Doolin Cave and hearing emotional local history on Whiddy Island. We were curious about the places we were headed next, fascinated by the 

place we had just been, and open-hearted to each other along the way. 

I felt like we made a little community of seeds blowing across Ireland’s lush land before going home to plant ourselves with the trip’s nectar and seeing what blooms.

How Ireland came home with me

 

For me, it’s wanting to cultivate more joy, warmed by the sunniness of laughing Irish folks overflowing from the seams of pubs onto bright streets. More pride and whimsy, fed by the stories of Ireland’s past and the fairy folk tales that still ripple into the present. And more love, rooted by the strong sense of community across the cities and towns we visited. 

 

These ideas are also weaving into my yoga practice. More silliness, more fun, and more openness. Slowing down with small movements to notice the details, experimenting with new transitions and laughing at the result, and remembering to pause and notice the land around me.

 

Thank you, Shauna and Jan, for another wonderful trip! Although I won’t make it to Croatia next year, I look forward to my next YCW adventure one day. Perhaps the next time “land” is in the destination!

Jill Richot

My Yoga Adventure so far.......

 

I have been involved with yoga for over 15 years. 

The very first classes I took were at Yoga Centre.  For several years I was drawn to Iyengar yoga and alignment-based practice.  In my reading for work I kept coming across the benefits of sensing into your body for healing from emotional memories and trauma.

 I had read numerous articles on the advantages of using yoga to decrease pain and cope with emotional experiences from the past.  Along with this, is the regular practice of “noticing” and giving people choice.  Personally, I found my practice of yoga and mindfulness affirmed this. 

I decided to do some teacher training and first tried an ashtanga approach.  I then went on to do some specific training in trauma sensitive yoga as therapy. 

Life happened (pandemic etc.) and my work became virtual as did my yoga.

 Somehow, I ended up where I started, at the Yoga Centre.  In a workshop I was challenged to “give back” to others through my practice and knowledge.  

This led me to the 2 year teacher training I just completed.  I have a much better grasp of poses and structuring classes; the nuts and bolts of asana.   Shauna Ellerby has been an amazing guide for me.  She is endlessly patient with me and my questions and challenges me to not take myself too seriously.

Finding self acceptance and kindness through yoga

The earliest memory of doing yoga I have was watching Ali McGraw’s yoga video and trying to copy it while sitting on a folded up quilt in my living room when I was around 12 years old. 

Since then yoga has come and gone in my life reappearing to help me when my body and mind needed it. Whether it was to strengthen my body relax my tense muscles or calm my racing mind with meditation. In the last couple years especially I cannot imagine my life without a yoga practice and meditation. 

During the pandemic (A very tense time for us all) making the switch from working in an office to working from home my yoga practice moved to my lunch hours helping to curb the stress of the day as well as finding clarity to solve problems I was having during my day. 

I’m excited to continue my journey and deepen my practice with the YCW Teacher training after starting 8 years ago! While returning to it was always something I wanted to do I needed that time to be kind to myself. To understand that I don’t have to be perfect at every aspect of yoga that I just have to do my best and accept support both mentally and physically (hurray for bolsters). 

Here’s to more knowledge, kindness and triangle pose! 
Kate K

Yoga in My Life

I’ve always loved to move and stretch with breath and it feels as though Yoga has always been a part of my life even though I didn’t always know or call it Yoga.

I was a dancer and an aerobics instructor when I took my first formal yoga class way back in the late 1980s at the Winnipeg Yoga Centre. Although I didn’t become a regular student of yoga back then, it always had a presence in my life and in my heart. Over the years I participated in meditation retreat days, pre and post partum yoga, spring Sadhanas and I dropped into yoga classes whenever I traveled to soothe and stretch my aching muscles. I’ve marked many of my milestone birthdays with the gift of a yoga class to myself. Yoga has always had a strong pull for me.

I wanted formal yoga training for many years but finding the time and space wasn’t easy as a busy mom and running my own Physiotherapy practice. Finally by the start of my 5th decade, I was able to begin my yoga education and formal study. I made it my goal to acquire teacher accreditation in order to expand my physiotherapeutic skills and follow my hearts longing to study yoga. I truly gave myself a gift and I am

deeply grateful it all aligned at the right time in my life. What started out as a mission to help physiotherapy clients with gaining therapeutic yoga teacher training clearly became therapy for me as well. Yoga teacher training led me down the path of having a strong personal practice and a deeper connection to myself with expanded knowledge and awareness that has enriched my life spiritually, physically and emotionally.

Connection to Breath, Movement and Stillness are like a natural medicine I believe in wholeheartedly. When I reflect on my life so far, yoga has carried me through some difficult times. Restorative Yoga helped ease stress for my fertility issues and grief after pregnancy loss. Meditation, breath and asana have helped me through many injuries and difficult emotional events. I can truly look back and see yoga throughout my whole life as a friend and as an anchor.

I’m proud and happy that over the last several years and during the pandemic I have acquired 600 hours of yoga teacher training. I’ve cultivated a steady home practice and I’ve applied a therapeutic yoga approach in my physio practice that enables me to share the gifts of yoga with others in a clinical setting. The Yoga centre has been integral to my learning and personal yoga path and I am deeply grateful to all my teachers who have touched my life and my heart with their knowledge and wisdom of yoga. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.

I am grateful for yoga in my life.

Yoga So Far

By Sheila Terra

Yoga is gentle and safe. It is a space where hurts melt away like an exhale. It is one movement then the next. During yoga there is nothing but the pose and breath (and sometimes there are Siamese cats pawing for attention and using my mat to sharpen their claws).

I was 19 and working at a summer camp in the Laurentian mountains of Quebec. I discovered this rad little college in Montreal and decided to move and pursue a certificate as a “natural health consultant”. This college seemed like the perfect fit for me. Simultaneously ballsy and scared shitless I moved to Montreal.

During my first year, one of my electives was beginner yoga. I was young but my body felt like an old boulder. Immovable. I am rather bendy now, but at 19 my body felt locked, paralyzed. I couldn’t do what the teacher instructed. The other people in the class had bodies that resembled long thin lines. They were fluid, beautiful. I wanted to be like them. I felt beyond inadequate. Everyone else could easily manage the stretches. I was incapable. I was inferior. My body inferior. I was horribly wrong. That’s what it felt like . I excused myself quietly and found an empty room in the college. The tears fell. Then heaved. My body released snot like some sort of exorcism. I tried to be quiet. My presence was noted. Two teachers came and knelt beside me. One waved a rescue remedy under my nose. I couldn’t talk to them or explain what happened. I cried. I was too afraid to go back to that class and received a failing grade.

In my second year attending The Institute of New Health Consultants, I rented a basement room from a woman named Ingrid. She lived in Westmount and made her income from renting rooms in her home. She taught ashtanga yoga a few times a week and did massage as well. She had a great lifestyle and she inspired me greatly. I was attending school part time and working as a nanny. I was taking classes in Jungian Dream Interpretation, aromatherapy, herbology, nutrition. I learned the basics of shiatsu massage. I took so many workshops in DIY bliss. I loved it so much . Living solo in a new city, I was resourceful and fiercely independent. I learned more about yoga. I tried classes again and loved it. I learned about the Kripalu Center where Ingrid received some of her training and I wanted to visit so badly.

I was 21 when I moved out of Ingrid’s. We did not keep in touch. I think some bridges were burnt. I was embarking on big adventures but bulimia was also settling in after losing 70 pounds. I went to England to work as a full time live-in nanny. My intention was to work around the UK and never return to Canada.

Returning to Winnipeg 3 months into my English getaway was devastating. The eating disorder - I.e. my responses to food and myself - had created havoc. I was back in thePeg. Resentful as hell. Sick as hell.

 In my early 20s, who knows when.... I did a yoga class in this cramped underground basement space in Osborne village. I really liked the teacher. She mentioned they were moving to a bigger building on Grosvenor. I followed.

I was doing yoga off and on during frequent moves, a five minute marriage, repeated and unsuccessful eating disorder treatment, a university degree and a reluctant career in social work. The Kripalu classes at Yoga Center Wpg were always a fave. A few years would go by. I would go to another Kripalu class. I always wanted to return to Shauna’s classes. Two years ago I became newly dedicated to yoga thru the Down Dog app which I had also been using off and on for years. The ability to do yoga privately on my schedule, at my pace was really perfect.

Yoga was never done out of hate. There is no room for hate on the yoga mat. My relationship with my self has often felt anchored in hate. My perspective has changed and I see now that my relationship with myself has been rooted in protection and survival. Yoga always felt like an act of compassion. That’s what yoga is - compassion for self and others. I can be nice to myself on the mat, present and patient. Yoga is glory and kindness and potential and acceptance in one. I feel like I am dancing when I move thru my regular practice. Yoga feels like home.

When I walked into my first night of YTT, I felt anxious. I was worried about my body being “ inadequate” like it was when I did my first yoga class 20 years earlier. But as always, when I walk thru the Grosvenor studio doors I feel a sense of relief. I feel welcomed and accepted. The first night of YTT I learned that if there are 15 students in a room, there will be 15 different down dogs. And that is OK! How liberating and loving. We are all ok. As we are. How radical. How perfect.

I was introduced to yoga at 20. Now at 40, I feel I am circling back to what I was learning at Ingrid’s. Winnipeg can be a badly patched pot hole of past pain. I have heard it said “you can’t heal where you were broken”. But maybe I can? Maybe I can do whatever the fuck I want .... like when I was 19 and decided to move to a new city on a whim. When I was in Montreal I was pursuing exactly what my soul wanted. The eating disorder took the wheel and I lost so much. I eventually chose academia in Winnipeg. In 2011, I graduated with a degree in world religion and human rights. I didn’t want social work but I spoke the language of crisis so well - so I ended up in the social work field. I am now “responsible” for the city’s most vulnerable. I am who the emergency room nurses and homeless shelters call. They ask me, “why aren’t you helping them?“. It’s complicated and it is not my personal or professional responsibility to save people. However, it can be extremely overwhelming especially while still struggling with food restriction and binge eating.

Yoga is self compassion. It is a gift to myself and I want to surround myself with more gifts. I want to share this with others. I adore YTT. I day dream of leaving my permanent pandemic proof unionized soul sucking government gig. I day dream of driving to Massechusts and getting more training at the Kripalu Centre. I have wanted to go there for over 20 years! I day dream of going to Northern Thailand and learning massage therapy.

Yoga is reuniting with body & spirit after trying to excommunicate my body. Yoga is balance and falling over and getting back up. I have a tattoo on my forearm, a quote from American poet Charles Bukowski : “drink from the well of yourself and begin again”. Sometimes there is enormous grief in beginning again. Lost time, lost relationships, lost opportunities but what life has not experienced loss? I am not alone. My grief can feel like an anchor but I am lighter after being on my yoga mat. I am kinder to myself after a yoga class, my mind slows down and says gentle things. Yoga brings me back to my authentic self. The part that makes decisions out of love, not punishment. My first yoga class was a tsunami of sadness. The fact that after 20 years I keep returning to the mat proves that my inner compass is pointing me towards love. Yoga is one of my most profound experiences of love. That is where I truly belong. On my mat, in the presence of love.

My 41st birthday is around the corner. The week after my birthday, I begin a new 2 month program to address the disordered eating habits. I know it’s not really about food. I know there are tunnels of darkness I am still navigating. Yoga brings me back to love when I get lost in old patterns. I cannot hate myself well. I will have to love myself into the light and yoga is making that possible.

The End of an Era

Yoga Centre Winnipeg is approaching the end of an era.

 

As of January 1, 2022, Jan Debenham will be retiring as an owner.

 

While most people know Jan as their beloved instructor with an effusive laugh and friendly face at the front desk, few people are aware of the extent that Jan has been the pulse of the Yoga Centre Winnipeg.

For 24 years Jan has been an owner of the Yoga Centre Winnipeg. A trained accountant, with natural leadership skills and a strong sense of intention and intuition, Jan has guided the Yoga Centre Winnipeg business through multiple locations, changing yoga trends, changing owners, and a pandemic.

In 1998 Jan joined Hart Laser as co-owner of the Yoga Centre Winnipeg on Portage Avenue. 

In a time before yoga was considered mainstream, they brought yoga to all ages and all corners of Winnipeg. The Yoga Centre Winnipeg started up classes at a variety of locations including the Wellness Institute, Good Neighbors, Age & Opportunity, Kelvin High School, College Jeans Sauvé and of course, the Department of Fisheries and Oceans! Over the years the places YCW offers classes has shifted, but our outside classes are a vital part of The Yoga Centre Winnipeg to the present day.

 

As yoga started to slowly surge in popularity, The Yoga Centre Winnipeg opened two satellite studios in Winnipeg and one in Saskatoon: yoga.calm offering yoga to the downtown business community; Village Yoga in Osborne Village; and Yoga Central in Saskatoon, (with Patricia Dewar), where they travelled to offer Teacher Trainings and workshops on regular basis.

 

Under Jan’s leadership the Yoga Centre Winnipeg was considered a hub for workshops with visiting yoga teachers including Lynne Minton, Ramanand Patel, Richard Rosen, Arthur Killmurray, and many others. Most notable of these teachers was Father Joe Pereira. Jan had studied with Father Joe Pereira at a retreat in BC and convinced him to come offer a similar retreat in MooseJaw, Saskatchewan for The Yoga Centre Winnipeg. For over 20 years the annual Fr. Joe retreat has been a beloved YCW tradition and even survived the move to Zoom!

 
Jan was also instrumental in formalizing and developing the YCW Teacher Training Program.

Long before there were yoga teacher training programs on every corner, the Yoga Centre Winnipeg began a certification program for 200hrs Basic Teacher Training and expanded to create the Advanced Teacher Training Certification 300hr stream. Years later Jan was encouraged by her students to create a program called Tier 3, to insure the Advanced Certified teachers could continue their studies with her.

 

In 2004, Shauna joined the business and a few years later Hart went off in his own direction.

As yoga became more popular and what students were looking for from a studio changed, the Yoga Centre Winnipeg consolidated into one location on Grosvenor Avenue.  It was at this point the Yoga Centre deepened its commitment to being a place of community. It be came a place dedicated to to celebrating excellence, diversity, wholeness, and heartfelt living.

 

Sometime after moving to Grosvenor, Jan introduced the program Cultivating the Seeds of the Divine to help students of all levels expand their practice off the mat and into meditation and spiritual teachings. She began seeing students privately to guide them individually in applying the practice to their lives.

 

Jan and Shauna began to take the Yoga Centre Winnipeg around the globe!  Offering like-minded yoga students an opportunity to travel the world together while staying healthy and balanced. The Yoga Centre has visited many wonderful destinations including Peru, Italy, Turkey, Galapagos, Bali, Iceland and more! 

With the not so gentle nudge of the Global Pandemic, Jan helped take the Yoga Centre Winnipeg online, where students from all over Canada (and the world) participate in classes.

Under Jan’s recommendation the YCW on Grosvenor opened its doors to share its space with a variety of other teachers and programs on a rental basis, most notably it has been home to Ashtanga Yoga Winnipeg for more than 3 years. 

 

Despite her strong business acumen, Jan has maintained her love and commitment to learning and growing as a student of life, and a teacher on the yoga path. 

An avid reader and ardent explorer of the body, Jan learns from many outer and inner sources with focus and dedication. Her studies with Donald Moyer, Father Joe, Michal Havkin, Ken McLeod, and Francisco Kaiut have been pillars in her own practice and in the teaching she brilliantly distills and shares with others.

 

While these are all important facets as Jan's role as owner, ultimately her greatest gift has been to transmit the path of yoga with clear seeing, calm abiding and heartfelt caring. 

Fortunately for all of us, as she steps back from ownership she will continue to teach and touch the lives of others for years to come.

 

 

Thank You Jan!

 

How Yoga Changed My Life

I have always been fit and active.  Although I never really played sports in my younger years, I have been referred to as an athlete.  For decades I incorporated the gym and the pool in my lunch breaks at work, as well as roller blading and ice skating.  I was a swimming instructor and lifeguard as a young adult.  I continued to swim during my pregnancies.  Once I played hockey “Moms vs the 5 year old kids”, I was hooked.  At 40 I started playing hockey.  At 50 I started playing softball and hiking in Arizona.  At 55 I learned to curl.  I played employee organized street hockey and soccer on lunch breaks at work, I partook in exercise classes offered by my workplace during lunches – yoga, kickboxing, Zumba, whatever was offered.  I started a league to play ultimate frisbee at work over the lunch hour.  So, exercise and fitness has always been a huge part of my life.  

Then in July 2013, I started to experience odd physical symptoms of mostly inflammation, pain and stiffness in my joints. Things continued to go downhill.  I was convinced I had Lyme Disease. My tests came back negative and eventually I was diagnosed with and treated for rheumatoid arthritis.  I was prescribed stronger and stronger medication as there was never any improvement.  Throughout all of this I continued to deteriorate.  I was close to being wheelchair bound.  Some of my Family feared death was not too far down the road.  

Many of my symptoms did not align themselves with rheumatoid arthritis.  I continued to research Lyme Disease on my own and search for a Lyme literate doctor.  After hundreds of appointments with medical doctors, massage therapists, acupuncture and chiropractors, a Naturopath sent my blood to the US to be tested.  In August 2015, I was officially diagnosed with Lyme Disease and 2 other co-infections – Babesia and Bartonella. A few years later my blood was sent to Germany which confirmed the US results.  All of the drugs used to treat the rheumatoid arthritis were contra indicated for Lyme Disease.  That is, it made things worse.

I lost a lot of weight and was down to what I had weighed as a young teenager.  I had to go down the stairs backwards, going forwards was impossible.  My boyfriend had to put a ponytail in my hair, help me dress, cut my meat, roll me over in bed and lift me into some places that I could not get into on my own.  

Every system in my body from neurological, muscular, joints, hormonal, sleep, psychological…. have been impacted. 

I lost all my beautiful muscle that I has spent a lifetime building.  One of my shoulders was totally atrophied.  I had to hold up my arm as just the weight of it was painful.

None of the many traditional medical doctors I went to with my Lyme Disease results would treat me for Lyme Disease.  In January 2018 I found a Naturopath specializing in Lyme Disease in BC and began a very long process to recovery. I have had to fight every step of the way and work extremely hard to be able to function again. I was on long-term disability and eventually had to retire as I was unable to continue working.

I had always been a kickboxing kind of girl.  Yoga held no real appeal for me.  At my chiropractor’s coaxing, I finally agreed it was a starting point.  In the beginning, I spent most of the time in any posture getting up off the ground or down on the ground.  I could only participate for a small portion of the class.  It was very painful and unpleasant.  With determination and hard work, over time I was able to do more and more.  Finally, in the last few years, I have been able to participate fully in almost any yoga class.  I have done Hatha Yoga, Barre, Aqua Balance, Aqua Flexibility, Ashtanga Yoga, Gentle Yoga, Vinyasa Yoga, Power Yoga, Restorative Yoga, Yin Yoga, Yoga Detox, Hot Yoga and even Zero Gravity Yoga.  Oh yeah, and Goat Yoga!  I love it all!

Yoga became a major component of my healing journey.  I am a true believer in the virtues of yoga and am completely hooked.  My Daughter and I even bought a yoga paddle board for the lake.

Since making Yoga a part of my life, I have completely eliminated the need for therapeutic massages and chiropractic visits.

My current major ailment is my cognitive abilities.  I struggle with these on a daily basis and am working very hard on trying to resolve these issues.  My Daughter  is a Certified Hypnotherapist.  Hypnosis became a part of my quest for pain relief, healing and stress relief.  I found this profound guided meditation to be very helpful.  And so now, I have also added meditation to my daily routine.  

So, thank you yoga for being such a huge part of my journey back to health and to the new ME.

My yoga journey throughout the pandemic

 

 Yoga for me is something I enjoy doing in a group. I love being around people and sharing my practice with others. I do not practice alone and I love to take classes. When I decided to do the yoga teacher training, I was excited to meet other like-minded people and learn how to lead a class so I could share this with my high school students.

 

When COVID-19 hit, I was thinking it was going to last a couple of weeks and then life would go back to normal. 18 months later, it is still not over. I haven’t done a whole lot of yoga over this past year. I did try an on-line class but I missed being with other people. That said, my on-line teacher training has been surprisingly enjoyable. Through break-out rooms on Zoom, I have been able to meet and collaborate with others.

 

Although, this year I have not done a lot of yoga, I look forward to taking a lot of in-person classes this month and fall. One thing this pandemic has taught me is that for me yoga really is a group activity and I need to be with others to practice.

Yoga is My Medicine

As life throws us curveballs we are left feeling overworked, stressed about what we can’t control and left with feelings of anxiousness and worry. Our mind suffers, our body suffers and everyday seems like a struggle.   

I suffered over 20 years of chronic pain from 3 herniated discs, then anxiety and depression from all the pain.  

I then found yoga and meditation.

It was a process but I didn’t realize where it would take me.  I came to Yoga Centre Winnipeg for my first class and haven’t stopped in 5 yrs. 

I found the instructors to have such compassion and understanding. They guided me gently through restorative yoga for months which allowed me to feel safe and release some long time built-up tension. 

My knowledge and interest grew and I began some meditation. I felt the positive change. My anxieties diminished, my thoughts felt calm and no longer overwhelming and my body felt no pain.  I could move in ways I never thought was possible again for me.  

I knew so many people that were suffering and felt I could set an example by becoming a yoga instructor to inspire others that they too can get past the pain, regain flexibility, strength and confidence to do what they love in life.   

Yoga is for anyone…learning to listen to your body, calm your mind with breath and find yourself once again is an experience like no other.  

The Yoga Centre Teacher training program was as much an inspiration and it is a well developed and thorough program.  My future is brighter, I am healthier and stronger than ever. And I now ride the wave of life instead of resisting it!!   

Yoga is my medicine…thanks to Yoga Centre Winnipeg!

Audrey D.

Savasana

Over the past strange and unsettling year, I’ve felt that my yoga practice is teaching me: love what is dying.

 

Love this warming earth home, in her broken-hearted changing.

Love her in the inevitability of her decline.

Love her even as she hurts you in her hurting.

Love her tender, powerful vibrating hereness. 

Love the assuredness of her presence, even as she lets go of who she has been.

Love this ever-loving moment of creation.

Love the fleeting nothingness of this life,

the expansive allness of what it rests in.

 

When we dig deep within, there is a strength: we have done this before. As our bodies unfold into pose after pose, we rediscover the familiar, and remember that there is no story untold. My dust-body knows what this love is; they have seen, heard and know the way birds sing bravely into the rising, warming sun, here for it.

Always here for it. 

 

Are living and dying the same, then?

Savasana: the yes, the let go, the love for the ending, uncertain unknown? 

I’ve learned not to love something unless/until it is assured, but that cannot be life. This past year has shown me that nothing is assured, and yoga has reminded me that nothing ever was.

 

I’ve begun to wonder if faith is not believing in what we cannot see, but the courage to believe in what we can. The courage to believe in the reality of a virus, and still take deep, long breaths. To believe the science on climate change, and still wake up the next morning. 

Which are ways of saying: yes to the end, yes to a life of letting go.

 

Yes, I love – even when told I cannot. If love is productive, merely a way of ensuring linear growth and clinging to the myth of legacy, then love says no to endings. No the possibility that production and preservation are not what we’re here for.

 

This is the song of my body: yes to this moment. Yes to this isolated, frustrated, terrifying moment.

This reckless love isn’t chaos. It just is.

 

Savasana is a way of bringing this love into my body, of yessing the way death is interwoven into my life. Savasana asks me to let go of creating myself.

There, I say yes to vibrations. The bottom of my feet shimmer, my lower intestines groan, my pectoralis minor muscles spin through the cycle of tension and release. It is good here, where nothing comes of anything.

 

Here, on a shattering planet, amongst immense collective trauma, yoga is teaching me: healing is not about getting further from death, for we cannot get further from death without getting further from life. Healing is not about becoming productive, or preserving ourselves, extending our clinging.

Healing is learning to live in the yes to what is,

beginning to see that endings are just an exhale,

remembering that dying is not a chaos that must be contained.

May we fight for livability because it’s what we know to do,

and may the fight not contradict what the trees already know:

that being,

exactly what these vibrating cells can never not do,

has always been enough. 

 

 

 Kayla Drudge