I have just read the article “Busyness Plan” by Sally
Kempton and completely related to her message on so many levels. Ms. Kempton makes the point that we are often
addicted to busyness in our “capitalist” society and frame of minds. She offers insight into finding the
spaciousness in the gap between time and timeless. That perfectly blissful and peaceful place
where you experience just “being”. She
goes on to explain that activity is fine and essential but our state of mind
while engaged in an activity can be peaceful.
As in the story about the two monks, one scolds the other for sweeping
instead of meditating. The other’s reply
is, “you should know that there is one inside who is not busy”.
Accessing this is the key to bliss. It reminded me of my life lately.
I have always valued busyness. My family, culture and ego have always
promoted and responded to busyness. It
is a state of being that was ingrained and learned through proud comments of,
“oh, I’ve been so busy today” or “today I worked on this, this and this, made
supper, took the kids to swimming and painted the bathroom”. I have learned that being busy is a
desirable, sought-after trait and way of being.
I have been conditioned with the praise and adulation that follows a
statement of “I’ve been so busy…”
However, as I grew older and my children became more self-sufficient and
eventually moved out on their own, I discovered I was burnt out emotionally,
physically and spiritually. I was a mom,
worked full time, took university courses, managed my home, volunteered for
everything, had my boys in as many activities as we could cram into a week and
thrived on the busyness of it all. It wasn’t until I realized when life slowed
down that my state of health was a mess.
I had anxiety, panic attacks, stomach problems, irritability, jealousy, anger, illogical fears,
unhappiness, illness and unbelievable exhaustion. I was DONE!
I had been living on a diet of caffeine, sugar and
adrenaline. My adrenaline switch had no off button. Out of desperation I began looking at myself,
my patterns, habits, diet, and recognized a deep inner longing for peace, ease,
relaxation and wholeness. This process
of discovery took me to naturopathic doctors, alternative healers, informal
group therapy and study groups, psychics, card readers, past life regressions,
traditional doctors, exercise routines, more self-help books then I can count
and eventually yoga. I felt such a
strong calling to do yoga. My body
craved it. As I began to practice at
home to DVD lessons, my state of being began to alter. Eventually this search for peace took me
through a 2 year detox, a new way of eating, and accidently an experiment in
which, out of desperation, I left my ego behind and found a new point of view I
called “the observer”. This brought me
so much peace it was quite incredible the first time I “left my body” and
viewed a stressful situation from this position of detachment. From this
perspective I had clarity and
calmness. I was rational and thoughtful.
I was kinder, more patient, wiser and more in-tune with what was
happening. Essentially, my ego got out
of the way and the “one inside me who is not busy” was allowed to be present.
Accessing this state of being is a constant learning
curve. I am more aware of the times I
enter this state without effort. These
are the times I am totally engaged in an activity and lose all sense of
time. This is a blissful place to be. The first time I experienced this sense of
timelessness was in childbirth. It is an
incredible experience. A day could have passed, an hour, a minute I had no
sense of time just “being”. I longed for
this experience to happen again but never achieved it until I began to practice
yoga and learn more about the ego and detachment. Since this time I have experienced this state doing more mundane
activities such as cleaning my house, writing, painting, doing yoga, working in
the garden, and talking with a friend.
When time is irrelevant you know you have entered a place of peace.
I have dabbled with meditation but at this point I am not
practicing it regularly. I have good
intentions of beginning this practice and more fully developing a yogic state
of being. Since I have been practicing
yoga and taking the teacher training I have had many friends, colleagues and
family comment on how calm I am. How
nice to hear after being tormented by the ego and filled with anxiety and
exhaustion.
I see the way I was living in others on a daily basis. I wish I could sit them down and tell them to
take a time-out, breath and leave their ego behind. But I know we all have to
find our own way in our own time. When
the opportunity arises to discuss peacefulness I share my story and encourage
friends and acquaintances to experiment with going to the place of the observer
or “the one who is not busy”. When
accessed it is pure bliss! Now I can say with confidence I am a happier
person and she’s always been there, lost in the gap.
My wish for all who read this is the opportunity to access
their place of peace.
Namaste, Elaine
Elaine K. is a current member of the Yoga Centre Winnipeg
200 hour teacher training program.